Blessed

It would literally be easier to scan the pages of the journal I wrote in and put em up here, but seeing as that I've written more in my journal in these last 2 months than the last 2 years...it'd be a little lengthy!
It's been 2 weeks since our sweet Cannon left to go to Jesus' house (cute lil Leah's words). It feels like a blur really...the hospital stays, the procedures, the docs and nurses - it doesn't seem like it even happened. I can't help but feel like I'm in a dream sometimes.
It's no secret that our darling boy has been nothing short of a complete and utter miracle. Here's very short synopsis from his Life Story that I shared at his funeral:

We were blessed to have had him home from May 15th- July 15th. What a happy lil’ man he was. A few things he loved: a full tummy, his green binkie, mom’s pillow, watching ESPN with daddy, being read to, warm baths and the blowdryer. He had the most kissable cheeks, he cooed and smiled when you told him how stinkin’ cute he was. He LOVED being snuggled and could rarely be put down without getting fussy. I would jokingly ask if it was normal for a baby to want to be held as much as he did! I’m grateful for this b/c I now realize he wanted US to hold him as much as possible.
He had been going to his cardiologist to monitor his heart function. They found thru EKG halters that he was having arrhythmia issues 20% of the time & also 3-4 second heart pauses and therefore needed surgery to correct this issue. I do not question if the surgery could have been postponed for a time because he was having these issues with hardly any noticeable symptoms and could have very easily passed at any time if it had not been addressed. 
On July 20th, Cannon underwent open heart surgery at Phoenix Children‘s Hospital. Because of the massive amounts of chest tube drainage following that, he also had to have 2 other procedures to try and help stop the draining. Cannon’s recovery process was a constant battle - but you could always feel his strength when he gripped his tiny hand around your fingers. People who came to visit would tell us how overwhelming his spirit was when they walked into our room. He had an amazing medical team of doctors and nurses who genuinely cared for him. After 41 long and hard fought days, he departed this world peacefully back into the presence of our Heavenly Father.


I read "Oh! The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess from the pulpit. There is a book cart at the hospital that comes around and I had always loved this book...but I couldn't help but interpret it differently reading it to Cannon this time. It pretty much summed up my feelings exactly. I hope I didn't ruin the book for everyone!

I can't even begin to thank everyone who has reached out to us, visited us in the hospital, brought us meals, sent us flowers and heartfelt cards. We are overwhelmed with feelings of love and appreciation. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Anais sent me this quote that I shared, The Prophet Joseph Smith said,
"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."

Cannon's Services

Funeral Services:

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Viewing will be held from 9:00AM-9:45AM

Services will begin at 10:00AM

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

1911 N. 24th Street

Mesa, AZ 85213

Crossroads McKellips & In-between Gilbert & Lindsay

Our Sweet Angel

I'm sure most of you have heard by now that our darling baby boy peacefully departed this life this morning at 7:33AM.

He will forever remain in our hearts & thoughts as we strive to be worthy enough to be with him again someday.

Thank you for your love, support and prayers. They did not go unnoticed.

We love you Cannon!

Cannon's candids

Here's a little preview of the shoot C had with my talented friend Brittney. Check her out HERE. He was wide awake the entire time and she was so patient with us! :~) Thanks again girl - you're the BEST!


LOVE

THIS

BOY

The Green Ugly

His NICU bink and I have a love/hate relationship. I always said I wanted a binkie baby, guess I should've been more specific!

Always has those lil hands by his face


First bath - still couldn't be submerged in the water til his lil manpart was healed so he HATED it. Loves 'em now - PHEW!

Carseat check before we left NICU (the first time)

Snuggled up in his NICU bed

Very first family picture. 4 days old, still on CPAP and being fed thru a tube.

Being bottle fed by daddy! He did sooo good! Never doubted this kid would have difficulty eating...it's in his genes!

love me some chunky arms

The first of several NICU quarters for him - he got moved 3 times for bullying the other babies.

First Easter - hated that tube in his mouth! My poor sis Kara actually had to help the nurse hold his arms down so she could reinsert it after he pulled it out! UGH!

Daddy holding Cannon for the first time. So cute!!!

Well I was gonna update in more detail but Cannon is awake now. Hopefully soon!

2 hours and 40 mins

Cannon's Birth Story

I went in for a routine OB visit on Tues, April 19th at 3PM. Did my NST (non-stress test), went over our "Birth Plan" with the doctor and got my routine ultrasound. The doc told us they wanted to admit me to the hospital to monitor me and baby - they saw some fluid in his chest on one side that they had not seen the week before (or atleast didn't notice it). And there was a little bit of fluid around his heart that had reappeared.

We were admitted to an L&D room shortly after arriving at 7:30PM.They hooked me up to the EFM, the doc examined me and said I was already dilated to a 4 and 70% effaced. They kept me on the EFM until 2AM and FINALLY took it off of me so I could get some sleep, so I got about 4 hours total.

The next morning they did an echocardiogram - he still had the fluid but was doing well as far as heartbeat, movement, etc. The OB came in and said that we would probably be able to go home, we just had to wait to hear back from the cardiologist. This wasn't the first time we heard this either so I was excited to be able to go back home! We'd been doing our Bradley Method for 10 weeks and I knew if they had to induce me...the chances of natural birth would be rather slim since they'd be augmenting my labor. We WAITED forever and the cardiologist gave us the news...baby was safer out than in. They basically said they weren't sure why the fluid was there or how much faster it could accumulate and there would be nothing they could do for him unless he was in their care. I cried...this was NOT part of my plan but I was not about to risk the safety of my baby. The next step was to get me started on pitocin but I asked them if we could wait for a little so I could "prepare" myself.

My bro-in-law Quinton went and picked some stuff up from our house since we had only packed to stay 1 night, Carrie stopped by to visit and Kara came and worked on my feet for me. We stalled for quite some time, we went to eat, walked around the hospital, curb walked...just to see if I could put myself into labor :~) haha! (Stubborn I know). When we got back the nurse said the nurse midwife from my OB office stopped by to break my water for me. Say what? That was not presented to us as an option before! With the help of Kara, Q and our Bradley teacher...we decided breaking my water would be the most natural approach. I would still be able to move around, wouldn't be hooked up to an IV, and the doc said my cervix was nice and ripened so they thought it'd be pretty successful.

5:10PM - OB breaks my water - 15 mins later I felt my first contraction. I had 4-5 min breaks in between so it wasn't too bad. We figured we'd go walk around the hospital but that didn't happen b/c they started coming hard and fast. The only breaks in between were to change positions or have the nurse readjust the stupid EFM that I wanted to rip off of my body!

6:45ish - Nurse checks me and I'm at a 7 - contractions are 1-1.5 mins apart. Rod was incredible...he was there with me the entire time helping me relax and encourage me. Couldn't have done it without him!

7:15 - I got in the shower and that's when I went into transition...it was short lived b/c a few contractions later I felt like I had to push. They moved me to the bed and I was at a 9! Not being able to push WHILE trying to relax was so frustrating!!! Talk about cancelling eachother out! HA! They checked again and I was at a 9.5 and that's when the room started getting prepped. I had 2 awkward pushes - I felt like I was going to break the stirrups off the bed and I didn't quite know what to do. 3rd push baby crowned...4th he was OUT at 7:50PM.
They put him on my tummy b/c the cord was too short, he wasn't changing color fast enough so Rod cut the cord and they took him to NICU where Rod was with him the whole time.
3rd stage was not ideal...I had cord detachment/placenta retainment. Basically meaning if they didn't get my placenta out quick - I was going to bleed out. Unfortunately for me that meant i wouldn't be able to deliver it on my own...the doc physically had to retrieve it! This is the part that hurt...I may have been screaming just a little bit - which I'm quite embarrassed about now! :~(
I realize there's no gold medal given to anyone who delivers naturally, and I don't think epidurals are bad...but with everything our little man was already having to deal with - I didn't want anything "extra" getting to him that wasn't necessary. I can't put into words what a miraculous experience it was. Rod was utterly amazing and is the cutest daddy ever (which I knew he would be).
I can't seem to get the pics off of my camera for some reason - so I'll have to attempt that again later. Cannon is a trooper - we are so in love with this little boy! Thanks for all the prayers on his behalf, we are truly blessed!

Nursery pics and update

Well here we are at the 33 week mark...I don't think it's hit me just yet. Actually - it HASN'T hit me. I am still feeling great minus the sciatic nerve but I'm not complaining cuz it could be worse! Baby is chugging along - stumping the doctors and I love it! They said I have to meet with the neonatologist this week but I'm not sure what we'll be talking about b/c everything that was an "issue" before...is pretty much nonexistent! They don't even look at/measure the back of his neck (nuchal fold) and the heart's still thicker than they'd like to see but overall it looks great. The ped. cardiologist uses the word "beautiful" quite often when he does my ultrasounds which cracks me up! So my kid is THICK - thick neck, thick heart, thick skin...what of it?! :~)

We have been taking a birthing class for 5 weeks called The Bradley Method. It's a 12 week course, every Wed for 2-2.5 hours and I love it! I took it for a couple reasons but I wanted to have Rod semi-prepared (he had been making some rather uneducated comments and it was starting to worry me) and since it focuses a lot on husband coaching, it was my best bet! With everything that's happened, I wanted to know my options b/c I'm sure there are quite a few ppl if they had been told what we were told...they would've terminated their pregnancy long ago - based on the doctors opinion. I'm not saying I'm smarter than a doctor - obviously I'm not...but I didn't want someone telling me I have to do this or that during labor! Last time I checked, it's my body and my birthing experience. Do I sound crazy yet?! :~)


The nursery is still coming along but I had to show off Rod's skills. He spent 3 Saturdays taping, painting, measuring, sawing, nailing & caulking and here are a few pics. I LOVE IT! He also installed the chair rail and painted the dresser & assembled the crib and the storage unit. I taped some and painted the last coat on the top of the dresser just so I could say I touched it. But the credit goes to my handy hubby.

Sometimes doctors don't know jack....

I like things to be chronological so I will just start at the beginning. I should also make mention that I am in no way looking for sympathy b/c I have it a lot easier than most. This is for me to document and to let others know that I am more than willing to lend an ear, give a hug or take a trip to Sonic. Oh and I don't have links to all the medical jargon b/c that would take me HOURS!

I have already miscarried twice. Once at 5 weeks and again a few months later at 6 weeks. The first one we didn’t know what happened b/c we were relocating back to AZ and we were in TX & had no doctor. The 2^nd time I went in right away – confirmed the pregnancy and got my blood taken. The doc called the next day and told me my progesterone was at a 1.3 and I should’ve been at atleast a 14 so she was getting me a prescription and having me pick it up the following day. Well before I could get the progesterone into my system…I started miscarrying again. I was relieved b/c now we were closer to figuring out what the issue was.

Fast forward to Aug. 22^nd – I was about to give my 2^nd talk in our ward and was freaking out that it’d be just my luck to start my period at the pulpit So I took a test…and there were those 2 pink lines! I took my progesterone immediately – even tho the directions said to take them at night b/c they cause nausea. Great so now I’ll just be puking at the pulpit…genius Jazz…genius.

I got the pregnancy confirmed, my blood taken & my progesterone was at a 13! WOOHOO! They asked me to come in at week 8 for an ultrasound b/c of my previous miscarriages. This is where it’s gonna get kinda confusing so I will try to explain the best I can.

Week 8 – Normal OB

Tech tells us she sees a “swelling” on the back of baby’s neck. PA meets with us and tells us they think it’s a cystic hygroma and starts giving us information on Downs and Trisomy and invasive testing we can do. Refers us to a specialist for level 2 ultrasound.

Week 9 – Specialist

Ultrasound done – we are in a waiting room and the doc asks us to follow her into her office…not a good sign. She confirms the cystic hygroma – but then informs us that it’s from the top of baby’s head to the end of the spine. She tells us 99.9% it’s a girl and the best case scenario, if the swelling goes down, she will have Turner’s syndrome…and she’s seen the swelling go down twice. Worst case – the swelling would continue, make it’s way into the body cavity/heart and the baby would have congestive heart failure, ending in pregnancy loss.

Week 12 – Normal OB

The ultrasound tech tells us the swelling is pretty bad and keeps apologizing to us. (Annoying) Also mentions that she notices the baby has a hypo-plastic lung (not compatible with life and the baby would never take a breath) – apologizes for that too. Said we probably didn’t want to hear it but that she’d seen a woman that had a baby with a cystic hygroma that carried until 26 weeks. Asks if we’d like to know the sex of the baby…we tell her we were already told it was a girl b/c of the Turner’s assumption...she doesn't deny it's a girl.

Meet with the PA again – more testing info and now termination is brought up and quickly squashed b/c I told her unless I’m dying…it’s not an option.

Week 13 – Specialist

Swelling is still there – but they measure it smaller than the normal OB had. I tell our tech that the other office tech told us the baby had a hypo-plastic lung. She explains they are not hypo-plastic, but they may appear highlighted b/c of the fluid around them. Still not great but I that was drastically different than what we had thought before!!! Doc comes in and takes the wand and says, “This is not Turner’s…” And there it is on the screen – a manpart!!! I just looked at Rod and laughed! Now the doc says we are looking at Downs or Trisomy again. Sched another appt with them to get an amniocentesis done at week 18.

Week 14 – Normal OB

Just a fetal heart check this time…doppler finds it no problem. We meet with one of the Nurse Practitioners we’ve never met before and she’s very nice, introduces herself and tells us she’s read over our records and then asks, “Where would you like to proceed from here?” Weird question…so I ask what she means by that? She mentions how she noticed we had talked to the specialist about such-and-such (I don’t even know what she said b/c I’d never heard it before) so I ask what that was for…she then informs me that it’s where they inject something into the baby’s heart to make it stop beating. Wow. I’m here for a fetal heart check am I not??? I told her that must’ve been a misunderstanding b/c we had never discussed that b/c I wasn’t going to be terminating. She apologized and made sure we knew how important it was to have a good support system and how it was normal to feel angry towards other pregnant women. It was one of the weirdest appointments ever!

Week 18 - Specialist

Get our ultrasound done and the swelling has gone down!!! Heart and lungs are looking great and it’s still a boy – they checked again to make sure he hadn’t morphed back! :~)

Met with the doc again and now it could be Noonan’s syndrome. But they really aren’t going to be sure until the baby is born. They recommend we transfer my primary care to them so I can deliver at Banner Desert for the NICU. They ask us to see a genetic counselor. We do, he draws up a graph of our family history including our grandparents, parents, siblings and their children. Wow – sure enough, no links to anything they’ve mentioned previously! I basically told the genetic counselor I wasn’t planning on doing any kind of testing anyways, we had already heard pretty much everything he told us and it didn’t change my mind one bit. The consultation was a complete waste of time in my opinion.

Week 22 – Specialist

This baby is getting some quality camera time! I swear I was on that table for over an hour! The nuchal fold was there but they didn’t measure it or even really pay attention to it at all…which I thought was strange b/c that was the whole focus these past 5 months!!?? They were really looking at his heart…couldn’t get a good shot of it tho b/c the baby was face-down the entire time! STUBBORN! (Don’t know where he gets that from!?) :~) They wanted to make sure the blood was entering and exiting all 4 chambers correctly and sched us to meet with a pediatric cardiologist.

Week 24 – Pediatric Cardiologist

Ultrasound went well, the doc said the valves are pumping just fine and all of that looks great. However, his left and right ventricles are somewhat thickened and that was their main concern. Right now he’s safe b/c there are extra holes in his heart to be able to pump blood – it’s after he’s born they will have to keep a close eye on it. They think the thickening could be caused by:

1. Gestational Diabetes
   
2. Noonan’s Syndrome (he mentioned there are usually other indicators but he doesn’t see those manifesting in the baby)
3. Some random genetic issue (my personal favorite – NOT!)

Overall – the appt was more optimistic than anything else, the baby is safe in utero so that’s the important thing.

Week 26 – Specialist

Another ultrasound…standard procedure for a high risk pregnancy. I’ve now had 9!!! Doc said everything looked fine – his heart was pumping great they said. They think he’s measuring about 2lbs 11oz…that’s a month ahead of schedule – so they want me to do my gestational diabetes test sooner than later. They did take my blood sugar right there at the office and it was 92 – normal they said. I’d rather him be big instead of measuring too small tho…usually if there’s a heart issue they don’t progress like they should so I’m fine with him above average! He’ll make a great football player! :~)

Glucose Test came back NORMAL! No GD for me! Woohoo!

Week 28 – Pediatric Cardiologist

Told them my GD test came back normal so that’s out. They aren’t sure what’s causing the thickness and they won’t until he’s born. They did say it hasn’t gotten worse and the valve that pumps out of the left ventricle has improved by 50% so it’s not having to pump as hard as it was last time! YAY! The doc was reassured he’d be fine – just going to keep monitoring it and they’ll be able to figure out more after he’s born but he let us know we’d have time and it wouldn’t be something they’d have to rush so that was a relief!

Our trip to the land of milk and honey

Utah I mean. More like the land of snow and Subaru's. I'm not kidding - within a 10 min. trip to and from Sonic...we counted atleast 7. Ridiculous.

We stayed with Anais and Chad in their cute apt. and had so much fun visiting with them and my cousin Winnie & her hubby Chad! We played our new fave game "Ticket to Ride - Europe", ate at a few Utah hot spots including Tucano's and Kneaders (man I want some french toast right about now), registered for baby stuff, played in the snow and the boys enjoyed sharing their favorite YouTube videos with one another and laughing like little school girls. Ok that was not that fun for me, but I'm sure it was the highlight for them.

Soooo glad I didn't have to take this ride...sorry for the fuzzy ending - wish I'd brought my FLIP to film this one!

My hottie & I at the golf course near Chad's parents house in Elk Ridge.

Anais and I enjoying the scenery

This was after Chad's family fed us a GIANT Sunday meal so I think it's mostly food baby

Had to take a belly touching pic after Non's baby shower. She just had her baby early this morning actually - here he is!!!

Baby Noah...totally has his momma's cute nose!

25 weeks...I wish some of this bump would make it's way to my backside and even things out a bit!!!

Baby bump(s)

Here are a few belly shots for your enjoyment...for the record I HATE taking pictures by myself.

This was taken 2 weeks ago at Rod's parents house. We spent Christmas in Odessa, TX and had a great time! Games, movies, pedicures and plenty of good eatin'! Including a few trips to Rosa's...where I somehow managed to eat red meat for the 2nd time during my pregnancy. Ronnie and Elaine were amazing hosts and spoiled us rotten!

I've had very little cravings so far - for 2 weeks all I wanted was a pot full of crab legs. More food aversions than anything else. Ground beef or any thought/sight/smell of red meat makes me wanna gag. Lucky for me I can always pound a giant bowl of cereal. :~)

I am still working on typing up my pregnancy "drama"...that's really the only word that comes close to defining it. I don't want ppl to think I'm whining about it, I just know there are plenty of girls out there who get discouraged or may be in a similar situation and I think it's important to share our experience thus far.

All in all, I feel great - I'm happy and healthy - and I can still button my jeans.